Wednesday 28th December

I think i'm depressed. I've been feeling low for a while now and am not sure what is causing it. the more i think about, the more ideas i get as too what is causing it. maybe it's a lack of social interaction, or a lack of accomplishment but something within me is missing. I am very conscious about apperance and it doesn't help when people point it out.

Last night's dinner party was shit. I stayed upstairs for the duration of the night, just to avoid speaking to the fake people. i ingested two sleeping pills to help ease the night, but it didn't really help. I have never admitted this before, but i have a severe addiction to sleeping pills. I personally doubt that it's more of a physical addiction, but rather a mental one, it's something i need in my daily life, like a smoker needs nicotine or a fat kid needs ice cream.

I apologize for this blog entry being so short, i'm just not feeling in the right mood. i am de-motivated at the moment. I have always said to myself that i never want to be in the position where i feel self pitty. gonna head to gym tommorow, workout till i drop dead.

i feel sick in my head